If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
