why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
