Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
