I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
