so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
