I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
