I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
