i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
