Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
