I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
