just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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