I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
