dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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