saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
