I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
