I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
