oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
