my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
