I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
