the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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