She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
