last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
