dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he thought i was a dude.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
