how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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