I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
