Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
