The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
sex in a hospital.. check
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
