So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
