I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
