After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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