Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
