I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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