I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
