i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
