I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
