So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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