note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
