I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
