He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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