Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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