How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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