yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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