i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
