Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
