If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
