Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
