look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
