The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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