Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
