I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
