why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
